This morning I read a FB post from an old friend of mine, he will be teaching history at LMU, the post was a very very brief overview of his outline for a Western Civ. Course. I had to read it twice to understand exactly what he was saying. I majored in History. In that moment I realized that I need to give up my dream of becoming a historian.
The pastor on Sunday preached on Abraham and Vision. One of the lines that struck me was "Dreams are not bad, however they are based on hope and the future, Vision is now and the present."
Ever since I was a little girl, my dream has been to have my PHD in History. However, it always remained a dream, even while I was in college I never really did anything proactive to make the dream become a reality. I never had a vision, I never knew what it would look like or how to get there. In my mind it was only ever the answer to a question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and for me, the "grow up" part was a mystical date in the future when things would just happen. I would like to say that I blame my husband for distracting me in college and I would like to blame my son for taking all my time away, but the reality is that J was supper supportive and S, well, the dream was gone long before he showed up. I lost out on the dream, me and only me.
Please don't take this the wrong way! I love my life!!! I love being a stay at home mom and watching my son grow up and planning what our future will look like, I have a vision for our family! But until today the dream was always in the back of my mind. But thats all it ever stayed, a dream, something to fuel grumpy about on mornings when i read about other people living out the dream I wish I had. Does this mean I can never have my PHD? Heck No!! Lately I have been trying to figure out a vision for the future and this time will be different because I understand that for a dream to become reality you need a vision! You need to see where you are going, see where the end is, see the steps you will take to get there and you need to do them today! I need to act, because that is what you do with a vision! Will things change along the way? Possibly, but the point is that you are working toward a goal and not sitting waiting for something to happen to you, you are making it happen for your self.
I am sure that countless friends and family have tried to explain this to me and I apologize for not understanding, because now I totally get it! If you have always struggled with this and want me to help we can work on it together!! I want people to really understand that Dreams are great but for the dream to become a reality you need a Vision!
Sadly, and I think I may be ok with it now, one of my Dreams has been shelved. But it has taught me so much that hopefully other dreams will escape its fate!