Last night I started reading Disappointment with God, by Philip Yancey, mostly because I am struggling with that very thing. Yancey has written several books and I respect his thought process because he seems to think like a normal person and not a super-spiritual-know-all-the-answers person.
I learned that God is a real being and He has real feelings!!
This insight is causing reverberations in my soul that will continue for months! Do you get that? I mean do you really understand the implications of the Fact that God is real and he has feelings? I don't think I am even close to grasping what this actually means but the knowledge is seeping into every corner of my life and I am trying to soak it all up!! I tried to explain to my husband what I have been dealing with, but Yancey describes it best when he says (paraphrased) 'that I had an expectation when I went into this relationship with God and his actions are not what I expected', hence the disappointment.
Surprise!!! the answers to all my questions are in... The Bible!!! Who knew?!
In the 13 chapters I read last night, Yancey summarized the entire old Testament. It was amazing to read versus that actually describe God's feelings and his mercy and his actions from a person who has dealt with disappointment.
I am still disappointed but I think the direction of those feelings are shifting away from a God who actually loves and cares about me, to focus on the earthly circumstances that just are. Today I am choosing to believe that it is ok to be disappointed with the situation but I am learning that life got me here and not God, and He will help things turn around.
"In all their distress he too was distressed" Isaiah 63:9
P.S. Did you know that God tells us to test him and see if he will follow through with his promise? Malachi 3:10 says that if you tithe, God promises to bless you, and then he says "Test me in this" I am chewing on this because I have asked for a 'sign' and here is a very big promise. What do you think? Do you tithe?