Thursday, October 4, 2012

Do you Remember Heaven?

My memory of heaven is really a life time of collected moments which, when added together, give me a memory of heaven.  The place is still there but everything else is gone, The evil one stole it from this world, but the memory is safe in my heart.
As a little girl, I believed that our church would go on forever just as it was.  When I dreamed of the future, I would live my whole live inside those beautiful, stone walls.  I pictured a wedding walking down that isle while the organ played my favorite hymn, I saw my children growing up and serving just as I had done.  I even believed that the same people would raise my children who raised me!  I looked forward to my kids growing up with the same experiences which I had, my only tatoo is of the cross I received after serving in my church.  I think this dream is why I feel lost as an adult.  It has been 10 years since I have even been there, but in my heart that is the fixed point which I truly call home.  My life revolves around change now, and we have yet to live in one place for more then a few years, I spent 18 years in that one place with those same people, little around me ever changed!  But that magical place is gone forever, the building, remains but without the people, it is only a shadow and visiting it breaks my heart.
But we live in a fallen world and even if I could go back and everything were to be exactly the same it would not be the heaven from my memory.  Heaven is perfect and nothing in this world, no matter how hard we try, will ever match Heaven's perfection.  My mind has created this place to be perfect but the reality is that our church, in the end, ripped itself apart over sin.
I suppose I can only remember heaven, on this earth I can not ever live it.  But these memories are what drive me, I have no fear of death or the future because I have seen a glimpse of something so great and amazing that the slightest glimpse changes my heart, moves me to depths I never knew I had.  I remember heaven only one other time, when I read that ending chapters of the Book of Revelation.  I read those words and heaven reaches down and hugs my soul, and I weep openly for the joy that is to come.  In those moments I can barely breath.  I have no words to describe the feel of touching what I know is my true home!
I pray with every fiber of my being that you, dear friend, have or will have someday, a memory of heaven.

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