Conspiracy

Disclaimer: I am talking about off-the wall conspiracy here, not rational, well researched decisions! Yes there is a difference and I really hope no one gets offended by my ramblings today!

I love to watch Documentaries!! I adore learning how other people think and their reasons for certain actions they take!! I am always ready to take what someone believes and 'chew' on it for a while trying to understand their motives and beliefs and where they are coming from.  Lately I have come across 3 'conspiracy' theories that I just can't wrap my head around; Big Pharma, Processed Food, and Politics in Schools.  Ok, ok, I know that these three issues have lots of ground, but here I am talking about the crazy, off the wall ideas that there are people heading up the industries plotting, purposefully  behind a desk to make life for us lowly citizens more terrible and to take all of our money.  I totally get the the pharmaceutical industry is, at its base, a business, out to make money, and I know that food companies pack our food with preservatives and pesticides all to make food cheeper and more easy to produce, and I know that our government is way too involved in education that we are stifling the ability of great teachers to actual teach our children, I get all that!!

But have you listened to the long list of people that are supposed to be involved in the giant plot to 'kill us all'? Supposedly their are entire groups of scientists who take money to fake results, never tell anyone, and sleep soundly at night knowing that their lie leads to the death of millions? And Apparently an entire group of americans cares so little for their fellow man that they purposefully lie to the US population about what is in our food, they never get caught, and no one ever comes clean and says they are sorry, and their is so much money exchanging hands that no nice person steps in to stop the craziness.  And our politicians must each and every one of them be the most ignorant people on the planet or out to ruin the next generation that they really do not give to sticks if our kids are learning anything and again more money exchanges between what must be hundreds of thousands of people that anyone who speaks up gets, what, killed? Oh and dont forget that every single person who has ever written a published news story is in on all three of these, so thats another population of people who dont care.

The point I am trying to get at is that I can not sit in my house, and think of all the people that I know in all the different fields they work and believe that their are that many people who don't care?  For these to work humanity must be much worse off then I can possibly comprehend!  I hope you do not think me naive to say that I just can not understand how so many people could care so little.  And I know that money is a hard thing not to be tempted by but is it really powerful enough to do all of this?

 I would dearly love to hear what you have to say on this subject!! Mostly because I still can not fathom the possibility that this happens right under the nose of a huge population of people, it all seems more like the script of a movie then real life to me.

How Do You?

How do you deal with BIG news?  No I am not pregnant ;) I recently found out some information, before I probably should have, but it is not what i wanted it to be At. All. And the worst part is that I am not deal with it very well, at all.  I am crying and I am fussing, and complaining and finding everything wrong with it that I can.  The funny thing is that my Facebook status Yesterday was "Some days I am so, amazingly, and overwhelmingly glad that God is Sovereign and I dont have to worry what my future holds." Ya, yesterday was stressful and terrible and I tried to make the best but at the end of the day I cried and complained and learned a great lesson and went to bed feeling awesome!

And then I get this text and I fall apart:(   "Why is God doing this to me?" "Doesn't he know this is the last thing I wanted?" "I thought he answered the prayers of his children?" and most of all, "How does this benefit God's kingdom?" "Why does it have to be this?"  Ugh, why can't I be gracious and see the positives and actually trust that God knows what he is doing and has the best in mind?  Thankfully I have some Amazing friends who helped my process and think of positives.  Usually, I would just run away and pretend that life is great and not acknowledge the elephant in the room.  But I can't do that any more, I have to deal with the stuff of life as an adult and I don't want to deal with stuff that I don't like!  i have to process this, and I have to do it quick and positively  while still functioning and being the mother that S needs me to be. But I am still bummed and feel cheated and wish that the news was something different, but I have to remember what I learned yesterday and hopefully I will start dealing with Big news better!  Right now I am eating chocolate, watching silly tv shows and asking you, How do you deal with Big stuff?

Writing in the fall

A poet once told a little boy, that he would know if he was a writer if he "must write or die."  Today I feel this way.  My ever constant friends; paper, pen, and the written word call to me.  It matters not what I write, only that I write.  The weather is so chill today, the clouds hang low, the air is crisp and a coming hush has momentarily settled on this part of the earth.  I see now, how God is in the silent whisper.  Mystery and magic and myth come to life and all things seem possible on a day such as today.  Spring is delightful, new growth and new birth remind us of our own youthfulness.  Summer is a wonderful time, full of travels and adventures.  But Fall and Winter are for friends and family and being at home.  In cool air and stillness we can enjoy peace and love while we look for warmth.  I can not imagine a world without the seasons, the anticipation of the cycle marks our own journey, but Fall and Winter will always be my favorite.